


Invalid Results

by ValmureEld



Series: I Tried Not to Get Into the Witcher and Look Where That Got Me [26]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, Medical Examination, Medical Procedures, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValmureEld/pseuds/ValmureEld
Summary: Geralt got electrocuted so Regis makes him wear a heart monitor for 24 hours. The results are...less than helpful.





	Invalid Results

**Author's Note:**

> I was combing through some old stuff and found that How I Met Your Mother episode where Barney wears a heart monitor for 24 hours to make sure he doesn't have an arrhythmia. My Witcher-saturated shipper brain decided writing crack off that idea at four AM was a smart move.

“Regis, I really don’t think this is necessary.”

“It is, if only because I am unwilling to follow you around for a full twenty-four hours, Geralt. I do have other things to do with my time.”

Geralt sighed, frowning down at the leads sticking uncomfortably to his chest before reluctantly pulling his shirt over his head. “Fine. But I hate this.”

“Yes,” Regis said mildly, taking his glasses off and rubbing at his eyes before tucking them in his breast pocket. “You’ve made that abundantly clear.”

Geralt grunted and stood, taking the monitor and clipping it to his waistband behind his left hip so it pulled the leads out of the way. “I’ll be around Yennefer you know,” he added. “She can hear it too. She can just tell me if something sounds wrong.”

“Geralt,” Regis said wearily, putting aside files and resting his stethoscope around his neck before folding his arms and turning to look at his friend. “You were hit, very hard mind you, by a severely concentrated dose of electricity. You blacked out for a considerable spell and lost blood. I have every reason to be concerned about your nervous system and while I’ve found nothing wrong at present I refuse to lose you to an oversight. Yennefer can listen to your heart as it beats but she cannot measure the electrical flow for a continuous twenty-four hours and report back to me about it. I need to know that you’re alright, no matter what you’re asking your body to do. This is the least invasive way for me to know that. Your heart may pump adequately while you are relaxed and resting, but it could show damage under strain.”

Geralt sighed, hands on his hips. The shirt he was wearing showed the lines of the leads wrapping around his ribs as he inhaled deeply and released a heavy sigh. “I still hate this.”

“Yes. I know. Now go home.”

“Will do,” Geralt said, taking his leather jacket off the exam table and bending to snatch up his motorcycle helmet. “See you in 24, Regis.”

“See you later,” Regis said, watching Geralt leave the room with a shake of his head. “Stubborn Witcher,” he muttered.

24 hours later and Regis was staring at Geralt’s results, rubbing at his temples. Geralt was laying on the half-reclined exam table like it was a lounge, hands tucked behind his head.

“You’ve been real quiet. Regis,” Geralt said, head cocked to look lazily at the screen. He had no idea what he was looking at, only knew each peak was a recorded contraction. Nothing looked particularly out of place to him, and if it weren’t for his irritation at the leads he’d have forgotten about his heartbeat completely the past day. “What has you worried?”

“I’m….re-evaluating my decision to attempt this test.”

Geralt raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Why? Thought you’d feel better after this.”

“I would, if I had reasonable results to assess,” Regis said, gesturing at his screen and glancing over his shoulder at Geralt. “This--” he gestured helplessly and huffed in frustration. “Geralt this is ridiculous.”

“I’m….sorry?” Geralt said, shrugging. “What do you want from me, Regis? I wore the monitor, I didn’t die. I also didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary that whole time and I took it easy. I’m still sore from the fight but that’s it.”

Regis turned the monitor towards Geralt with an almost aggressive yank, adjusting the settings until a graph of all 24 hours showed. “Look at this, Geralt. Do you see these warning areas?”

“Yeah? And?”

“According to the machine’s interpretation of your cardiac health, you have a severe inclination towards both spontaneous premature and delayed ventricular contraction.”

Geralt blinked and shook his head once. “Regis. English.”

“Your heart is prone to stopping abruptly for a short period and nearly as prone to beating too quickly for what your body needs. In short, you have a terrible arrhythmia, according to the raw data.”

“And yet you sound more annoyed than worried so I’m guessing that’s not your diagnosis?” Geralt asked, sitting up a little more, though he was still lounging and looking far more relaxed than anyone in his situation should.

Regis took a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose and focus his ear towards the thumping inside his friend’s chest. Steady and completely unconcerned. He could probably compose music by it.

“My diagnosis is that we have to try this again-- _without Yennefer_.”

“Regis!” Geralt exclaimed, sitting up properly then.

“Geralt, my data is completely useless!” Regis exclaimed, pointing so hard at his screen that his claw tapped it. “Your heart is worse than a schoolboy at his first dance.”

Geralt wrinkled his nose at the comparison, but Regis didn’t let up.

“Dropped beat, dropped beat, extremely rapid increase….” he listed, pointing to each area as he went. “What happened here?” he asked, raising both eyebrows and looking at Geralt like he was a kid at the principal's office. “Do I want to know?”

Geralt crossed his arms and glowered a little. “She got a new dress, okay?”

Regis snorted and then continued. “Dropped, dropped, racing, racing faster…..and three dropped in a row. Geralt….she literally caused your heart to cease beating for twenty-five seconds.”

"I'm a Witcher we almost don't need heartbeats," Geralt muttered petulantly.

Regis raised an eyebrow. "Oh indeed? So you truly feel I am wasting my time performing cardiology tests on you. Almost is a far cry from 'don't', Geralt. You most certainly do need your heartbeat."

“We _really_ gotta do this again?” he asked, his tone dangerously close to being a whine. “Those leads drive me nuts and I felt fine that whole time. You said the point was to see how my heart handles stress--well.” He gestured at the screen.

“I’ll call it off if you allow me to put you through a full stress test,” Regis said, switching off the monitor and wrapping up the leads. Geralt groaned and flopped back on the exam table, his chest rising and falling with a dramatic sigh.

“Fine. But I hate those too.”

“Consequence of your inability to handle living with a beautiful woman,” Regis said dryly, patting Geralt’s knee patronizingly. “Honestly, Geralt, I dread to know what your heart did when you first met her if after all this time she still garners such a reaction.”

Geralt hummed. “Don’t know. Was too busy trying not to get killed by a djin and then all I could think about was her…” his expression grew wistful and Regis rolled his eyes fondly, shaking his head.

“You know where the stress tests are done,” he said, reaching up to fetch his clipboard and pen. “I’ll meet you down there.”

“Still hate this.”

“Yes, having people who care is such a burden,” Regis said, clicking off the light. Geralt still hadn’t moved off the exam table. “Think of it as insurance if you must--if you can handle what I’m about to put you through then Yennefer can likely continue to disrupt your cardiac cycle for another few centuries.”


End file.
